Exactly a week ago, Chicago Summer Project ended and I flew home. It's so weird to say that officially. Weird, and definitely more bitter than sweet. This crazy whirlwind of a summer has drawn to a close, but God's plan isn't done yet.
Here is a little recap of the summer if you want more details:
The summer evenly divides itself into two five week segments. The first five weeks was spiritually about breaking me down and revealing the depth and roots of my sin, which, I'm not going to lie, was hard. But it was also about God revealing how He has redeemed me. In this way, I began to understand the gospel anew and apply it to my life with renewed passion. I began to see how life-giving and essential the Bible is, and how much I suffer when I am not spending daily time with Him. He gave me joy and showed my why we need to live for Him, and why we need to tell others about Him too. This helped me understand the importance of evangelism.
During the first half, I was also being challenged with relationships. As I began to see how fearful and anxious I am (main struggles), I began to notice patterns and how often I hold back in the context of friendships; how I like to stay on the surface and leave it at that. Noticing this allowed me to change, and open up to others and ultimately form some of the deepest relationships I've ever experienced. The people that He surrounded me with accepted me for who I am, and for that I am so grateful. But they also challenged me to grow, and spoke truth and encouragement into my life. Vulnerability and trust make all the difference. This summer I experienced community like never before, and I love each and every one of my CSP 13 family :)
My first half of the summer was spent doing ministry on the campus of UIC (the University of Illinois at Chicago), where students were interested to hear about Jesus and many accepted Him within weeks. After the staff left, I moved to the University of Chicago, where the environment was noticeably colder and more closed off. We did not see anyone come to Christ, but we have to trust that He has a divine purpose in mind and will be glorified regardless. This taught me to be bold and defend my faith even when others strongly disagree. It also taught me to boast in His abilities and strength and not my own, and persevere even when it's discouraging.
Boasting in Him also followed me with my Crossroads internship. When we began, I quickly noticed that I was not the strongest designer. This was mainly for lack of experience; I've only taken one official graphic design class at Appalachian. At first I was frustrated and felt useless. I questioned why I was there and if God could even use me. He broke down those lies and revealed truth: if I put my value in abilities, I will always fail. But if I put Him first, then I will always be loved unconditionally, and He will always give me everything I need. This was huge!
After the staff left, every student was given a leadership role. Mine was to be Crossroads Director. When my discipler dropped that bomb, I almost cried. I couldn't see that ending well at all, because I was feeling so inadequate. But the Lord is so so faithful, and He helped me to depend on Him, and how to find confidence, peace, and wisdom in His presence at every moment. Everyone came around me and supported me - it was such an incredible and humbling experience. As I grew more comfortable in my role, I began to see how everything I learned can be applied as I go back to Appalachian. I need to seek out community; to serve others; to trust God and step out in faith; to boast in His strength. I also began to learn how He has specifically made and gifted me for a purpose. I can't exactly see it yet, but I can't wait!
The last week was crazy - I was baptized on Wednesday, publicly declaring my faith and that I refuse to live like I had been. He has taught me so much, and I am committing anew to follow Him :) We had our final campus days, work days, and banquet that week. Thursday night was a sending off and everyone sharing what they had learned this summer. We stayed up all Thursday night and got up for the most beautiful sunrise I've ever seen on Friday morning! The last week was full of tears, but mostly rejoicing in what the Lord had done and what He had in store next.
There's so much more that I can't even put words to yet. But I'm leaving project exhausted in the best way possible, and filled to the brim with the joy and passion that our Savior brings. Thank you so much for your support and prayers!! This wouldn't be possible without you!
Prayers for coming home would be much appreciated. I need rest, but I'm moving into school tomorrow. The transition back to "normal life" has been hard, because most of my friends are in the Midwest. Pray for the upcoming year and all of us as we transition; pray that we can apply our passion and what we've learned at our campuses. Pray that we continue to grow, and that this won't be a high. And pray that we will be open and willing no matter where the Lord calls us next!
If you supported me, expect a letter and (possibly) more updates on this blog. I haven't decided yet if I will still use it, but you never know :)
And finally, lots of pictures:
Last day on U of C:
Skydeck!:
Kayaking on the river:
Baptisms:
Banquet:
Last day adventures:
Surprises from the Crossroads men:
Graffiti room in the apartments:
