Different

You know what movie scene has been playing over and over in my head recently? (No, not a part from Frozen or the Secret Life of Walter Mitty, although those were likely guesses). The part from The Incredibles, near the end, where Violet is standing talking to a friend at Dash's track meet. Her hair is pulled back, she's standing confidently, finally feeling like she has a purpose. And her crush, Tony Ryender, interrupts their conversation (which is rude, but whatever). He seems intimidated by her instead of the other way around, saying that she looks different. And she asks, "I feel different... Is different okay?" And he answers, "yeah, different is" - cough - "great".

Different. I feel different too.

I'm convinced that this skin takes some time to grow into. That who you are meant to be, who God has created you to be, it takes time to get there. I believe that it is a journey. But I also believe that He gives you moments, glimpses really, into His plan, and glimpses of His skilled hands and love, for you, His created beloved. That even when we feel like we aren't "there yet", we are just where He wants us to be. It's weird and hard to explain, but I like it. I like knowing that He is in control.

I mentioned in my last post how I feel that I am finally accepting and enjoying who the Lord has made me to be, and it has been such a cool experience. I'm not meaning this in a way to say that I am so great, but rather He is so great, because He is the One who is putting all these things in motion.

I don't know how to explain it, other than love. Other than peace. Other than an uncanny understanding that everything will be all right, that He is right next to me, holding my hand and my heart in His. It's golden, it's like summer sun. It's comforting, and it's also fleeting. Because just as He gives glimpses, He also tests us. Because as humans, we have the tendency to get comfortable, to forget how much we need Him. Because pride and self pity and sin creeps in, and He oftentimes has to do some repair work in our hearts.

I'm writing this because I want to remember. I want to remember the work He has done in my heart, to strengthen and secure, to teach and to love. I want to remember His warmth and comfort. I don't want to forget in the moments He feels withdrawn. I want to cling not to this memory, but to the truth that this memory brings.

And I want to live my life in response and pursuit of Him and His truth. Different, in a good way.